Is She Faking an Orgasm?

Have you ever faked an orgasm just to make your lover happy? Well, it's Orgasm October, so we hope not. What if your partner has faked it? Dr. Richard Wagner AKA Dr. Dick, is here to answer a great question about determining if you're seeing a fake orgasm. What's more important, when you move past these, you might want to also consider our other articles on orgasm! Stay tuned and keep reading.

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Name: Ulrich
Gender: Male
Age: 22

Dear Dr. Dick (by way of GetLusty)

How do I know my girlfriend isn’t faking it? She looks like she’s into it, but sometimes it looks like too much drama. I definitely can't tell from this point of view. How do I tell if her orgasm is real?

Signed,
Too much drama

Dear Too Much Drama,

Too much drama? I love it! I’m gonna assume that you’re talking about what appears to be her throws of pleasure — screaming, moaning and thrashing about, just like in the porno movies. I’m not sure I know why women fake it, men sure as hell don’t go out of their way put on a show if their heart and dick ain’t in it. But women often do and sometimes even us benighted men think something’s fishy so to speak.

Maybe the question you are asking, Ulrich, might stem from a concern you have about your own skill as a lover. I suppose the most obvious reason a woman fakes an orgasm is to massage the ego of the guy who is putting it in her. I suppose it’s the path of least resistance after all. It’s easier to fake it than be honest with her lover about his sexual prowess. Of course there’s always the possibility that the woman in question is pre-orgasmic — that she’s never had an orgasm so she may think that this is how it’s done. How sad is that?

You know how there’s little mystery about a dude’s pleasure — he gets it up, he gets it on and he gets it off — pretty cut and dried. And there’s often the evidence of his pleasure in the form of a pool of his own jizz. Although I hasten to add that an ejaculation is not the same thing as an orgasm, but it is rare to have an ejaculation that isn’t somewhat pleasurable.

A chick is very different, don’t you know? Her sexual organs and arousal are mostly internal. So unless she’s a squirter (a G-spot ejaculation that is) there’s only circumstantial evidence that she is being pleasured. I guess that’s why so many women make all that “drama.” It’s to compensate for not having anything as obvious as a hardon and a puddle of spooge. Of course the drama could also be a way of throwing us boys off the scent, so to speak.

However, there are things you can look for that may indicate your partner is enjoying herself. Knowing something about the female sexual response cycle will, no doubt, be very helpful here. If you don’t know your way around this phenomenon, I’d suggest that you have some remedial study to do.

Again, the male sexual response cycle is pretty obvious — he gets wood. For a woman the analogous response is she gets wet. If your lady has a wet pussy, you may be on the right track. Of course lots of women don’t lubricate all that much, so you might not want to rely on this evidence alone.

In this instance you might look for the secondary signs of arousal – these are pretty much the same in both women and men. Our pupils may dilate, our skin may flush, our nipples may erect, our breathing may increase to a pant, our heart rate will defiantly increase and our toes might curl. Not all of these will happen every time to every person, but you get the drift, right?

In terms of the big “O” men and women differ in many respects, but there are some commonalities. Both women and men can have “mini orgasms” as well as “major” screaming memes. Us men folk tend not to pay too much attention to the little tremors, because we know the big one is coming. Women, on the other hand, have less certainty that the big “O” will show up, so they tend to be more aware of the mini ones. Regardless of the gender, a good portion of an orgasm’s physiologic response is the same in all of us. Muscle contractions, specifically the PC (pubococcygeus muscle) in both women and men, and vaginal and uterine muscles in women, signal orgasm. Everything else— the writhing, the shuddering, the fluttering of the eyes and the moans of delight — is gravy.

If the chick you’re bumping has a wild orgasm every single time, I think she’s faking it. If she cums no matter what you’re doing to her, I think she’s faking it. If she sounds like a cheap porn flick, I think she’s faking it. If she’s still doing the “oh yeah baby, you’re the best…make momma scream,” long after you stopped doing whatever you were doing, I think she’s faking it. If she carrying on, yet looking over at the television or the clock, then I think she’s faking it. If there’s no afterglow after a big “O”, I’ll bet she faked it.

If you think you’re with a faker, you might just want to tell her that she doesn’t need to put on a show for you. On the contrary, you both would be better served with a little honesty. Ask her for some feedback; what’s working, what’s not. If you think the chick you’re with is gonna cum as fast as you, you don’t know your way around a pussy.

And here’s another thing you should know; most women don’t cum from having sex alone. So if you think you've got a magic wand in your pants, you are sadly mistaken. If you’re not using your hands and mouth as well as your willie; she’ll likely fake it.

And finally, if you can’t locate her clit to save your life, you can count on her faking it.

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.

Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

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